Peace

During the past few weeks I've been really praying for God to restore my peace and my joy. Throughout the process of this divorce, it was a struggle to enjoy things around me. So I began praying about a month ago that God would restore to me the joy of my salvation.

Psalm 51: 10-12 reads "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

This has become part of my prayers. I have prayed consistently that God would renew my spirit, restore peace and joy to me. And I am pleased to tell you that as of right now, I feel that is exactly what he has done for me. I have more happy days than sad. More laughter and less tears. More confidence and less fear. And I believe with my whole heart it has come about because of my prayers for myself and those of my friends for me. God is faithful and he will do what he has promised.

I looked at that verse one more time and I happened to read forward. Psalm 51:13 says "Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners will turn back to you."

I've always considered this passage one about me. But upon further review I see that God will use my restoration to bring himself glory. When he restores the joy of salvation to me, I will then teach others to have that restoration as well.

You see, it's not about me. It's not even close to being about me. It has been and always will be about Him.

Thank you God for restoring unto me the joy of my salvation. I pray that you will now use me to help others find that joy as well. Continue to guide me and mold me into your image. It is you Oh Lord that I love beyond measure. No one but you. Amen.

Refuge

I love the ocean. I think I must have gotten that from my mother. She could sit for hours and just watch the tide come in and out. I can do that too. My son will often say I'm just a beach girl. I don't get to spend enough time at the beach but when I do get there I just want to sit along the shore and watch the waves, the seagulls, feel the breeze. I take refuge in that. I'm not quite sure what it is about the ocean that beckons me. Perhaps the thought of how infinite it really is makes me somehow feel closer to God.

I was thinking about the little creatures you see along the seashore. How they scurry along trying to hide themselves in the sand. Taking refuge from the unknown elements that encounter them out of the water. I think about the tide as it comes in and out taking refuge from the great expanse of the shore. And I think about myself taking refuge in the solitude and peacefulness of just watching and hearing the ocean waves.

I'm reading Psalm 16 this morning.

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I really love this passage of scripture. God is my refuge. I am told that in many places in His word. There is nothing good apart from the Lord. He has assigned me my portion and my cup. That verse just screams to me right where I am today in my life. HE HAS ASSIGNED ME MY PORTION AND MY CUP. There is nothing in my life today that has not passed through his hand. He has assigned me to this time in my life. That makes me feel so special to think that he has taken time to make sure that where I am in my life right now is exactly where he wants me to be. And he has made my lot secure. Secure in him. Finding peace and refuge in him.

Be Still

I read some verses in Exodus the other day. I found some really beautiful meaningful passages in there. And I didn't even get through one chapter!

Exodus 14:13-15
Moses answered the people, (who were afraid of the Egyptians marching after them), Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.

That really struck me. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. There are many passages in the bible about being still, waiting on the Lord. I think I just took it upon myself to make sure that God could restore my marriage. That was quite a burden to take on. It weighed on me until I was falling under the load. Then God told me that it wasn't my responsibility to make sure that He fulfilled His promises. But it was my responsibility to make sure that I walked daily with Him. To fulfill my promises to Him. Letting go and trusting God lifted a weight from me. I don't have to do anything but be still and let God fight for me.

Exodus 15:2
The Lord is my strength and my song. He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him. My father's God and I will exalt Him.

Exodus 15:11
Who among the gods is like you O Lord? Who is like you - majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?

Exodus 15:13
In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.

I have found comfort knowing that the Lord is my strength and my song and my salvation. I see that all He wants from me is my praise, my love, my adoration, my quiet and still heart. He will guide me if I only be still.

I have realized that music and scripture is so healing to me. So I am trying to make it more important in my life. I know that the only way to continue to fight the enemy is to fill my mind with praise and learn God's word. I have only tipped the bucket on the treasures that God has for me in His word. It's an amazing book.

There is a song that has really touched me deeply since I listened to it this weekend. It is by Addison Road called What Do I Know of Holy? I've put it here for anyone who might come along and see this.



I was dwelling on the meaning of the question What Do I Know of Holy? To me it means that I have not even begun to realize the depths of who God really is, His majesty, His glory, His awesome power. How do I even think that I can know who He is? I spend so little time listening, learning, studying who He is that I cannot possibly know the infinite wisdom of who He is. What it means to be Holy. But I'm ready to learn. My heart is open, my soul is bare. Speak to me Lord. I'm quiet, I'm still and I'm listening.

God, I can't even begin to express to you the depths of my love. You have touched my soul and I can't imagine being anywhere else other than right where I am in my life. I know that you have great things in store for me. And I will listen. I will be still. I will know that you are God and you are holy. Teach me what it means to be holy as you are holy. Bring my soul into the depths of your love where I can never return to ordinary. I love you with my whole heart, my whole soul, my life. Amen.

Climbing Up Slowly

Divorce is not easy. There are days where a bit of happiness peeks in but mostly days of sadness, confusion, grief. I guess this is normal. After all, a divorce is a death of what was once our hope for the future. Today I've realized that until I let go of my past, God cannot take control of my future. I've been holding on way too hard. I call it a death grip on my past. And until I let go of that grip, I cannot cling to Jesus for my future. Pretty good concept, isn't it?